The "Traditional" England XI

This piece originally appeared on the Carvalho Peninsula.

As is routine following an England team’s tournament exit, a lot has been written and said about the U21’s tactics and general style of play since their elimination on Sunday. Not for the first time, it seems that a fair amount of supporters were unimpressed with England’s attempts at “the passing game”. However, instead of bemoaning the players’ lack of technical quality or calling for better coaching at grass roots levels, a rather loud minority indicated that their dismay on this occasion was because England had strayed too far from their roots; that the ol’ kick-and-rush, for all its flaws, at least showed respect for national tradition.

With that in mind, I’ve put together a new setup for the senior team which recalls those good old days: no-nonsense, hard as nails centre-backs with real passion; no-nonsense, hard-as-nails full-backs with real passion; no-nonsense, hard-as-nails midfielders with… you get the drift.

Essentially, there’s a keeper that can kick the ball into the opponents’ box from his, eight hatchet men and two wingers. This way, the next time England get eliminated from a tournament their fans can say that they at least went out their way: with a pass completion rate below 50%, and with Johnny Foreigner bloodied and bruised, ruing the day he stepped onto the same pitch as England’s brave boys.

The starting eleven:

GK – Paul Robinson

DR – Andy Wilkinson

DL – Paul Robinson

DC – Ryan Shawcross

DC – Phil Jagielka

MR – Jermaine Pennant

ML – Matthew Etherington

MC – Kevin Nolan (as the XI’s most inspirational player, he gets the armband)

MC – Joey Barton

ST – Kevin Davies

ST – Andy Carroll


Joe Hart, Zat Knight, Leighton Baines, Karl Henry, Dean Whitehead, Matt Jarvis, Jermain Defoe.

Manager: Sam Allardyce.

Assistants: Baddiel and Skinner.

Doesn’t that fill you with pride? I’m bursting with patriotism just thinking about it. …or perhaps “the passing game” wasn’t so bad after all.


About robbro7

I mostly write about football but occasionally go off on one about music or film too. I talk about Argentina a lot. If you have any questions or want to get in touch, tweet me @robbro7 or send an email to robbro7 [at] gmail [dot] com.
This entry was posted in Carvalho Peninsula, Football and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to The "Traditional" England XI

  1. Mogues says:

    Baines? Really?

  2. vintagengog says:

    If Arsenal bought a few of that starting XI they'd win the world cup.

  3. mites says:

    mad diss on baines buddy

  4. Jude Ellery says:

    Baines is fair enough, he's quality but he loves a long ball or early cross – very old school English.

  5. tetsujin1979 says:

    No place for Michah Richards? He's built like a hod carrying pro wrestler!

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